I woke up this morning and frittered.

I indulged in the guilty pleasure of surfing Facebook and then plopped down on the couch intending to better myself by catching up on some world news.  After just a few minutes in I was so depressed, I switched to TLC and started drowning my sorrows in a sea of Say Yes to the Dress re-runs that I’d already seen.  In my head the list of shoulds rolled through like movie credits.  I should be walking the dogs, re-starting my diet, getting the car washed, cleaning up the flower beds, doing paperwork, updating my budget, going to yoga, planning my Grace-full Living Retreat, writing my book, writing my blog…  It could have gone either way today– couch potato with a little woe is me, or optimism, activity, and forward motion.

Thank goodness the Universe has been conspiring to coax me out of this state of inertia and propel me towards progress, fulfillment and joy.  Last week my friend invited me to a meetup about achieving goals that he lead and one of my takeaways was the concept of One Thing:  What one thing do I do today to make the most impact on my desired state (my desired state was finishing my book)?  Hmmm… I pondered this morning.  Not a conundrum… write!  Yesterday at an impromptu brunch, my friend talked about trying to be a little bit better each day.  “What does that mean for me today?” I asked myself as I drove to the store.  And the answer was simple: Any day that the world is a little better because I got out of bed is a good day.

So I enjoyed some trash TV/ chilling’ time AND I also did some things to help propel me toward goals and dreams…

  • I read a few chapters of The Book of Joy by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop, Desmond Tutu.  Enriching and Inspiring!
  • I paid for the car behind me in the drive through line.  Pay it forward is SO fun!
  • I went to yoga class– that one helped me get closer to multiple dreams– getting certified as a yoga teacher by the time I’m 50, staying healthy and getting skinny, and connecting with all things sacred and spiritual in and around me.
  • I wrote a blog entry– first one in almost a year!
  • And I worked on my book– first time I’ve opened the doc since August of 2016 which has been driving me crazy because it’s really important for me to finish it, but I’ve been avoiding it.

I know these are small things– I’m not expecting a ticker tape parade.  But what’s exciting to me is the subtle shift in focus and momentum.  It’s all about physics–objects in motion stay in motion and I’m excited about the direction I’m moving today!



The end of spring break




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I dropped Taylor at the airport this morning after a terrific long spring break with him at home in Colorado and I’m a little sad.

I worried that “just being home” might be a disappointment compared to his friends traipsing around Turks and Cacaos, Costa Rica and the like, but he didn’t want to travel.  He wanted to see his friends, work out with his trainers, and watch Point Break with his Mom– twice! He wanted to be part of the family March Madness pool (go Syracuse– Tyler Lydon in the house!) and play poker with the grandparents when we got snowed in (he won).


T’s friend Tyler

I love having him home even though I don’t see him as much as I’d like to when he’s here. I fantasize he’ll want to stay home and help me cook dinner (some would call that the blind leading the blind), lead scintillating meal time discussion about the presidential election (which will be the first he votes in), the Ozaki 8, or Jim Boeheim’s reign at Syracuse– the drama that got him suspended for part of the season or it’s impact– they’re in the Final Four– does that mean he’s a really great coach because they could do it without him, or that they didn’t need him that much after all?  If I let myself get really crazy, he’ll offer to take out the trash and suggest that we take the dogs for a long walk.  That isn’t how it goes.

Mostly he sleeps late, runs off to the appointments I’ve made for him, hangs with his boys (and girls I’m sure, but I don’t hear much about them) and gives me a hard time for nagging him about changing the lightbulb in the hall.  But he also kisses me on the cheek every time he leaves and tells me loves me every day.  He lets me watch Walking Dead with him (although sometimes I talk too much) and if Madness is on we can cheer together as long as I don’t do any fashion critiquing.

I like hearing his music with a thumping beat and some objectionable language and the laughter of teenage boys coming up through the vents, I like making him chocolate chip cookies and folding his laundry.  I like the parade of tall guys that come to visit (most of his friends are basketball players).  I like seeing his car out front and knowing he’s home.  On the rare occasions I can get him chatting, I love to hear about his day, his opinions, and his strategy for selecting a college (never actually got that out of him on this trip, he just texts “we’ll figure it out.”)

And then duty calls.  It’s time to go back to school, to finish what he started at New Hampton.  The next time I see him may be graduation.  I couldn’t be more proud and I’m really honored to be able to provide this educational opportunity for him, but I miss him.  “Give him roots and wings” I remind myself every time we head to DIA.   I hug him hard and hold on a little too long, and drive home to an empty house.  It takes me little while to re-calibrate each time, but I find a new rhythm.  I realize I can be happy with him where he is and me where I am. And I’m so grateful that we are still so close that I’d rather have him nearby than far away any day of the week.


Keeping my promises to myself

I made a new friend yesterday.  We’ve been yoga buddies for a little while now.  We were in the same cleanse workshop at the first of the year: no animal protein, no dairy, no gluten, no sugar, no booze.  No eating after 8:00pm.  Yes to daily meditation and a peaceful morning routine and regular yoga. Simple, but very good.  We end up in some of the same classes at the studio where we both practice.  She likes the hot sweaty dancey ones like I do.

I’m not usually very social at the yoga studio– friendly, but not social.  I enter the hot room, being sure to close the door behind me to keep in the warmth, survey the space options to find and secure a lucky spot (I like the corners, she tends to be a “front and center” gal), lay down my mat, and erect the four invisible walls that surround them.  It’s not my intention to be anti-social, but I’m in my own little world once I get to my mat.  I get all my props lined up– water, strap, towel, etc.  Make sure my hair is fastened. Start the process of stretching out the kinks, and before I know it the teacher walks in and we’re off!  But not yesterday.  Yesterday, as I was in the throws of organizing, fastening, and de-kinking, J. bounded over to the spot my mat was occupying and offered up and enthusiastic greeting!  I said Hi and asked her how she was doing and she really answered me.  She was good on many fronts, 28 days into a new eating plan that was working well.  Excited about a Brene Brown book she was reading (Daring Greatly) that helped her realize she was hiding from some things and allowing food to be part of the charade.  She had a new mantra, “I keep the promises I make to myself.” and she was proud of the progress she was making on these many fronts.  “How are you?” I asked and “good, growing, struggling, trying, and sometimes failing, but always striving.” –that’s what I got from our 2 minute interaction.  That’s when I knew we must be destined to be friends because who is that candid, humble, and open with a non-friend?  J., that’s who.

But she inspired me to allow my naturally private, reserved self to venture a few steps closer to the authentic side of the street and to  ponder her mantra: I KEEP THE PROMISES I MAKE TO MYSELF.   Wow!  So for the last 24 hours I’ve been pondering promises, those kept and those broken to to myself and to others.  I thought about the promises I made recently.  Have I kept them?  Why or why not?  Do they need editing?  Are there others that should be added to the list?  What is so important that it deserves a true promise and not just an I’ll try?  What will it take for me to be vigilant about honoring those commitments to myself?  What reward will I reap if I do?

Thank you, J. for helping me make progress on at least one of the promises I made to myself this year– more blogging!


lightness and grace    11110561_1641559536062726_4979277577559580538_ojoyjoy 3Alex and CB

That’s my word for 2016: LIGHT– and I’m pretty excited about it! When it first came to me it was in the context of weight and volume– less and fewer.  Light vs. heavy physically: the consulting lifestyle, some stressful situations and some bad habits have gifted me with some extra Lbs I’d like to release to the Universe resulting in a LIGHTER me.  Light vs. heavy emotionally:  some passings, some friends’ sufferings, some personal struggles have offered me the opportunity to lighten my load. Light vs. heavy spiritually: a lightness of being, a que sera sera outlook (what will be will be) is what I’m striving for. I hope my eyes sparkle, my toes tingle, and my XXX giggles (what part of us giggles???).  I hope I can laugh at myself and wink at the world.  I’d also like a lightness of spending/ purchasing/ consuming/ having and lightness of wasting.  I’d like to surround myself with things that bring me joy (or serve a purpose) and nothing else. A light credit card bill and uncluttered closets– yippee!

And after pondering my new word a little while, I realized that “LIGHT” was also beautiful in the context of the opposite of dark and that it is a fabulous VERB– “Light a Spark”.   Every year I make a resolution to light more candles– both literally and figuratively (be the light or the mirror that reflects it.)  This year I hope I can provide light in someone’s darkness; let someone know they are loved, help someone understand they matter, appreciate someone’s gift, hold someone’s hand  when they need it most, lift someone up when they are feeling down, share a smile or a fist pump, help someone find their passion and their voice, support someone in taking a stand, be there for someone celebrating a BIG win or mourning a devastating loss, connect with a stranger, inspire, relate, encourage, show respect or admiration, give someone strength to make a hard decision (or better yet show them they had it all along), help someone dig in or let go, cheer on someone’s new idea, and give someone a big-fat-hug– whether they need it or not.

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My wish for you in 2016:



LIGHT a spark!




Movement and Stillness


My family has gone Fitbit crazy! Sara and Jess have had them for a while, but my parents bought FBs for all of us hold-outs a few weeks ago. They wanted to promote health via movement (and a little familial competition). It worked!

The night I got mine, I got the bug! I marched out of Target at 8PM with a determined look in my eye– I had until 11:59PM to win the challenge! I first walked , then two-stepped laps around my home (my sister has the video to prove it) until close to midnight. It took 13,328 steps but I won!

This body likes being in motion. Just play some Nutcracker music and it will spontaneously pas de bourree, saut de chat, and tendu. I love vinyasa yoga because it dances. I pace when I talk on the phone.

But this body likes stillness too as does this mind and this spirit. Peace and quiet, meditation, curling up on a couch in front of a fire– all elixirs for the soul, but often under-rated and under-appreciated– sometimes even berated or misinterpreted as sheer laziness. Such a pity.

I run to keep up with family and friends who are tracking at 10,000 steps a day (or more), but I also acknowledge the amazing gift of quiet, unmoving, serenity.

So on this New Year’s Eve, I resolve to embrace both movement and stillness in the coming year.